Being left out

Being left out is always something I have hated. I was the kid that didn't want to take a nap because I was afraid I was going to miss out on something.

I have never tried to do anything dangerous to avoid feeling left out, but I have always tried to avoid being left out.

Well tonight, I feel left out.

Actually I have felt this way for quite some time, but I am finally ready to voice it.

I feel left out. I am left out.

And I hate it. I have spilled many a tear today, and plenty more tonight, because I am left out.

I am also feeling sorry for myself. I am making myself feel worse about being left out because all I can do is think about this club that is leaving me out.

And one of the worse things about being left out of the club is that the members of the club, some who take it for granted, have no idea this their club is a blessing, and is so hurtful to those who are not allowed to join their club. And it is not even their fault that they cannot include those who are left out. No one is at fault, and no one can fix it.

Tonight, and today, I have felt like that lady in the old Mervyn's commercial, you know the one. She would sit in front of the Mervyn's, with her face pressed against the glass, and say, "open, open, open." That is me. I am sitting here on the outside of the club, and asking for the club doors to be opened to me.

I know I can make myself feel better, but sometimes it okay to just sit, and sulk, and really feel all those emotions that bubble up, even if they cause the tissue box to empty that much faster.

I hate feeling left out. I just hate it.

I was thinking about starting a new club, maybe at church. Maybe just on the web. For all of us who are left out, and hate it.

For those of you that are in the club, I don't hate you. I harbor no ill will for you, I just have a hard time being left out, and sometimes I say some pretty mean things to you club members. You lucky, lucky, club members. God love ya! I love ya! And I pray for you. :)