Being left out

Being left out is always something I have hated. I was the kid that didn't want to take a nap because I was afraid I was going to miss out on something.

I have never tried to do anything dangerous to avoid feeling left out, but I have always tried to avoid being left out.

Well tonight, I feel left out.

Actually I have felt this way for quite some time, but I am finally ready to voice it.

I feel left out. I am left out.

And I hate it. I have spilled many a tear today, and plenty more tonight, because I am left out.

I am also feeling sorry for myself. I am making myself feel worse about being left out because all I can do is think about this club that is leaving me out.

And one of the worse things about being left out of the club is that the members of the club, some who take it for granted, have no idea this their club is a blessing, and is so hurtful to those who are not allowed to join their club. And it is not even their fault that they cannot include those who are left out. No one is at fault, and no one can fix it.

Tonight, and today, I have felt like that lady in the old Mervyn's commercial, you know the one. She would sit in front of the Mervyn's, with her face pressed against the glass, and say, "open, open, open." That is me. I am sitting here on the outside of the club, and asking for the club doors to be opened to me.

I know I can make myself feel better, but sometimes it okay to just sit, and sulk, and really feel all those emotions that bubble up, even if they cause the tissue box to empty that much faster.

I hate feeling left out. I just hate it.

I was thinking about starting a new club, maybe at church. Maybe just on the web. For all of us who are left out, and hate it.

For those of you that are in the club, I don't hate you. I harbor no ill will for you, I just have a hard time being left out, and sometimes I say some pretty mean things to you club members. You lucky, lucky, club members. God love ya! I love ya! And I pray for you. :)

Blue flowers!!!

I am trying to keep my chin up...to stay positive.

So, in an effort to keep things going in the positive direction I relocated some furniture this weekend! I moved the guest room to the basement and my crafts room/sewing room/study to the main floor! I like it already! I think I like that my husband will come and visit me while I am working, where he didn't as much when I was in the basement!

Also, my husband bought me flowers today! He knew that some things were making me a little blue (okay, just the ONE MAJOR THING!!) and he bought me flowers to help me feel better! I love him! This not having things go according to plan, and prayer, is strengthening our marriage. Which is probably the Lord's reason for not answering our prayers right now.

New blog!

Hello!

As part of a class I am taking I have created a new blog!

mathteachersinleadership.blogspot.com

Come on over and check out what I am doing in class!

Mothers Day

My mom is amazing.

Her mom died 1 year ago, yesterday. Following her death my mom has managed to clean up 86 years of memories, mediate arguments about "stuff", and today, sell or part with the remaining items from her mom.

You see, Grandma's house has been sold. The closing is in two weeks, so the house must be completely empty. Obviously. 

So yesterday, on the one year anniversary, my mom set up tables, and equipment to have a garage sale today.

Yesterday my mom also attended a bridal shower.

Today we had a sale. Today, everything that didn't sell was sent to charity.

Tomorrow there is a baptism, and graduation parties to attend.

My mom is a pillar of strength and fortitude. 

I hope that I turn out like her. 

My mom is amazing.

Crocheting

I have too much yarn. I know, first world problem. But, I have inherited all of my grandmothers stash, as well as some random stashes that have been left on my desk at work.

So, what am I doing with all of this yarn? Well, mostly the little balls that fill up shoe boxes, making baby hats of course!

A few months back I made my first baby hat, but I apparently made it preemie size, so it didn't fit my newest niece. So, I made her another one. And I had so much fun with it, that I kept going. And, along the way I discovered what a great stash buster this new obsession has been! So, I have made around 15 baby hats. Which in turn has seriously decreased my stash.

I even made my first owl hat.

I will have to get the pictures off of my phone, and post them.

Chao for now!

(Oh, Spring Break next week!!!) I have nothing planned, and can hardly wait to start!

On loss....

Tonight we lost my favorite dog. I picked her out when she was just months old, and convinced my dad to pretty please buy her. I was 16.

Miss Sydney was the best dog. She was the perfect play mate, perfect cuddle partner, and just so beautiful. She was diagnosed with cancer a few days after my grandmother. Little girl fought for more than a year, and did so with so much pizzazz and cheer. She never acted sick. Even today, she knew who we were, and was happy to see us, but she was weak.

I will miss her. I already do.

My dad said her eulogy and then we buried near our cat ASCII, and where we laid my grandmothers ashes. We buried her with her bone, her ball and her beloved Frisbee. My dad wrote her a note on her Frisbee, and read it to her as we laid her down, one more time.

I have never seen my dad like this. Never. It hurts my heart, it hurts my head....it just hurts. All over.

The chapter has come to an end. Its a painful end, but I wouldn't trade it for never having had her.

Blogging

Good Morning.

I know it has been years since I last blogged. I guess I have been busy.

Lets see what has happened.....I got married....I helped my friend start a little company....I became and Aunt (about 5 times!!!) and I have been busy teaching. Oh, and I taught myself to crochet.

My friend, the one with the little business, has a blog: brightenyourlifeflowers@blogspot.com

Come on over and check us out. We will have pictures posted soon! (I hope!)

Thanks for visiting me, and sorry it has been so long!!!

Natalie

Catching up.....

A friend of mine has a blog that was updated about 7 weeks ago. I always giggle to myself and say, "why not more often??". Guess I shouldn't throw stones. :)

Graduation weekend it turns out I was in the home town of my fiance. (It was the same weekend of the winning power ball ticket purchase, oh yeah, in the same town. (No, I didn't win.)) I met his oldest brother, wife and their two kids, and his dad. His dad has a rockin' train set in the basement. In fact, in the train is in fiance's old bedroom. The three little kids were constantly asking if they could go and play with the train. Of course half time an adult would agree, and the other half of the time the train was sleeping. :)

The two weeks off after school was over was spent either in class at CU or cleaning the house. It turns out I am pretty good at cleaning. I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed everything in the house, except for the bathroom in the basement, which I usually forget exists. It also turns out that I miss the kids when I am not with them. I cried, nearly everyday, because I missed having somewhere to be, and people to hang out with. I also missed the action of life and the expectations to do something. I had the fiance make me a list of chores everyday so that I would feel like I am helping him and contributing to society. :) (And I want to be a stay at home mom some day???? I dunno about that....)

Summer school started this past Thursday. I have 10 kids. Only 4 of them have to take the class to make up for last year. The other 6 are taking it to get ahead. Such a difference from last year! These guys want to be here, and want to learn so they are ready, and work all the time alotted to them. The kids last year did not do that!

The house has been lots of work. I finally took pictures the other day, and I will soon post them. We have been working on the swamp that apparently came with the house. All the rain has left us with no doubts as to why we don't have any grass, or life at all, on one side of the house. Not much can grow in three inches of standing water. :) We have been trenching since the rains started coming down.

On a different note a lady, who I have known my whole life, succumbed to cancer this past week. Attending her funeral was sad. Its difficult to say good-bye to someone I have known my whole life.

So now you are caught up....see you soon!!!

I am an Aunt again!

Last week was incredibly exciting in my life. On Tuesday, during a tennis match against my alma mater, I received word that someone was using my credit card to purchase things. Awesome. Thankfully the bank caught this error, and alerted me. This meant that I spent Wednesday at the bank redoing all of my banking accounts. Competely fine because it meant that I saw the fiance, as I drove down to his office and met up with him.

I then received word Wednesday night that I am an aunt again. I was more than surprised, as were the parents, that the baby is a boy. (Does that make me an Uncle?) The parents were nearly 100% sure that this baby would be another girl. I have yet to see this bundle of joy, but am excited that he arrived safely. More importantly, at least to me, his mom is doing fine as well. I spoke with her last week and she is overjoyed at this new addition.

This weekend my fiance and I spent the day driving around, after a tennis match, looking at houses. He figures, and I support him, that he should buy a house. It is the right market to buy a house, and, as it turns out, it is less expensive to build than to haggle over an existing house. We have found a house that we both love. He is therefore going to start negotions with the builder, as well as the bank.

This week I am excited about a tennis match, CSAP, and then Friday we are flying to Montana to see the new nephew, as well as visit with the other two kiddos.

Exciting week ahead, exciting week behind.

Oh, and I am doing fine without coffee. Sweets have been tough, especially since my team is 0-3 this season, but I am making it through. And my clothes are fitting better. :)

Love to the world, and to you.